Yay, Halloween
It's Halloween, so lets talk about something important. Giada de Laurentiis. "Who?" you ask. Well she's better known as the hot chick on the food network. And lets just settle something here for all you naysayers, she is smoking hot, end-o-story. Now many people might be saying, okay she's hot, but who cares, so are 90% of the other ladies on the Tv. True. However, can the Jennifer Aniston's and Eva Longoria's cook you a delicious breakfast in the morning? Can they make you a snack whose name you can't even pronounce and do it day in and day out without complaining? Well I don't know Eva and Jenny so I can't tell you for sure. But I have studied both of them in detail in the hit shows "Friends" and "Desperate Housewives" plus the many tabloids I read religiously. And I'm pretty sure they cannot. Which brings us back full circle to good ol' Giada. What I need is a lady who cannot only cook me dinner, but also explain to me how she is cooking it as though I am actually one day going to cook it myself. I then want to eat the delicious treats and then immedeately forget everything I knew about how it was made. Giada and I will then have good times playing gloriously long games of Guess Who? and Hungry Hungry Hippos until my stomache says to me, "Yo, Torio get the woman to make us something."
Giada and I will both look at my stomache. Then we will make eye contact. Then we will chukle.
"Oh stomache, you so crazy," we will say.
Giada and I will then go back into the kitchen where she will again dazzle me with her cooking splendor. I will still be absolutely tantilized with whatever she makes, but a little disappointed that I have to actually wait the 20 minutes for the lasagna to cook, thinking she should have prepared one for immedeate serving like she does in her shows. Then she'll make some wise ass comment like, "Real life is a lot different from Tv."
What a bitch. I mean it was bad enough when you cheated at Guess Who (I asked if your person had red hair when you had Bernard and you tried to pull some bullshit that his hair was orange. Are you kidding me? Who the hell has orange hair?) But lets not focus on the past, even though I clearly would have won. No, lets talk about how things just aren't going to work out. I mean we had a good run Giada, but I think this is where we part ways. So go ahead and finish that zuchinni dish you're making and then show yourself out. Keep in touch though. Best of luck with everything, I hear you have a new show coming out. Looks like a bomb if you ask me, but hey I thought Xena Warrior Princess was awesome, so what do I know? You're no Lucy Lawless though. I guess that was uncalled for, but lets face Lucy would kick your ass. Anywho, I'm not very good at this so I'm just going to go nap upstairs for a while. Be well.
Hmm, I'm glad I played that relationship out here on the blog rather than actually going through with it, cause it didn't seem that great. Just between us, I don't think I'm going to be very successful in the whole realtionship thing until I get over Xena. God I miss you Xena.
Wondering what I just wrote,
Torio
Giada and I will both look at my stomache. Then we will make eye contact. Then we will chukle.
"Oh stomache, you so crazy," we will say.
Giada and I will then go back into the kitchen where she will again dazzle me with her cooking splendor. I will still be absolutely tantilized with whatever she makes, but a little disappointed that I have to actually wait the 20 minutes for the lasagna to cook, thinking she should have prepared one for immedeate serving like she does in her shows. Then she'll make some wise ass comment like, "Real life is a lot different from Tv."
What a bitch. I mean it was bad enough when you cheated at Guess Who (I asked if your person had red hair when you had Bernard and you tried to pull some bullshit that his hair was orange. Are you kidding me? Who the hell has orange hair?) But lets not focus on the past, even though I clearly would have won. No, lets talk about how things just aren't going to work out. I mean we had a good run Giada, but I think this is where we part ways. So go ahead and finish that zuchinni dish you're making and then show yourself out. Keep in touch though. Best of luck with everything, I hear you have a new show coming out. Looks like a bomb if you ask me, but hey I thought Xena Warrior Princess was awesome, so what do I know? You're no Lucy Lawless though. I guess that was uncalled for, but lets face Lucy would kick your ass. Anywho, I'm not very good at this so I'm just going to go nap upstairs for a while. Be well.
Hmm, I'm glad I played that relationship out here on the blog rather than actually going through with it, cause it didn't seem that great. Just between us, I don't think I'm going to be very successful in the whole realtionship thing until I get over Xena. God I miss you Xena.
Wondering what I just wrote,
Torio
posted by Torio | 9:25 AM
2 Comments:
Torio, I'm hurt that our relationship was nothing more then a fantasy on your blog page. We could have had some fun times in my kitchen, or at the least we could have shared some scruptous meals. I can't believe you brought up the orange hair thing, I thought that was our special moment. Call me when you are over Xena.
-Giada
I just had some trick or treaters at my door... five kids ranging in ages of 3 to 16. All of them were sporting TROT buttons, which I wasn't expecting from inner city youth. After they looted me for all my Butterfingers and spare cash, I asked if I could have a button. It was worth losing a nipple over.
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