Let the Race Begin
Now that the Olympics and Mardi Gras are over we can get back to talking about what is importnat, the 2008 presidential election. Yes it may be over 2 1/2 years away, but what do you have to do between now and then anyway? I suppose you might think we should talk about current issues, like the ensuing civil war in Iraq or Dancing with the stars. But nay, living in the now sucks. I like to live solely in the past and future, for that is where the good times lie.
For example, if I want to talk about the past I could talk about the delicious sandwich I had for dinner. And if I want to talk about the future, I could discuss with you the next delicious sandwich I intend to devour. But here in the present, no sandwiches, and that my friends is why the present blows.
But for now we are talking about a particular part of the future, the 2008 presidential election. Many people in the media (which is ran by neither conservatives nor liberals, but instead flesh eating robots... yea robots don't even need to eat flesh, they just do it because they're that bad ass) will try to tell you that they know who the frontrunners for president are. But they're liars. Democrats might try to give you the spiel on why Hillary Clinton has a shot at being president, but remember Democrats enjoy losing, so who cares who they nominate. And the Republicans might try to say one of their popular moderates like John McCain or Rudi Guilliani will take the reigns for the Republicans. But no, they won't try to follow up George Bush with some non-violent pussy like these dudes. But don't fret, I'm here to paint the 2008 election picture for you. I know who's going to take home the win.
No, it's not me, I'm busy in November 2008. I'm taking Oprah on a cruise to the Bahamas. But she thinks were going to Africa to build some schools, so let's keep that on the downlow. Anywho, here are the top five candidates for the next president of the United States. I'll narrow it down for you as the months go by. I suggest you start some kind of office pool on who will win.
1. The Kool-Aid man. Oh you don't think he has a chance? Well oh yeaaaahhhh he does bitch. What doesn't he have that we look for in every president? He has confidence, he has a cool catch phrase, he's filled with a delicious ice cold beverage and when push comes to shove he can kick some ass. A lot of people think we need a president that promotes diversity rather than an old white male. Well since our society wont elect a woman or black president, what spells diversity more than a pitcher of kool-aid?
2. Zack Morris. Let's face it we've gotten ourselves into some problems. This war in Iraq was not what we thought it was going to be. Well then why not elect the best problem solver of our time, Zackary Morris. I feel safe trusting any man to run my country that has proven himself time and time again capable of outwitting Mr. Belding. And even if he does get into some trouble, think of all the lasting relationships and life long lessons we will gain. Plus I think Screech will make an amazing international diplomat.
3. Mitch Bush. Turns out George Bush has a brother we didn't know about named Mitch. Pretty crazy huh? What's also crazy is that he has the exact same beliefs and goals as his his brother George. In fact, the only thing different about the two brothers is that Mitch has a cool looking moustache. So if you're a fan of what we have now, then you'll love Mitch, because let's face it, moustaches make everything cooler.
4. Alf. Alf simply resignates well among the typical American voter. He likes everything every Joe-Shmo does, and he's funny looking. Don't tell me you don't think Alf would increase the State of the Union ratings by roughly 1000%. I could watch Alf for days. I probably wouldn't, but I'm just telling you that I could. Alf brings something to the table none of the other candidates have. The experience of traveling in space. If any country were to get out of line, Alf would not only know how to handle it, but would be able to finish up the job with a witty one liner leaving all of us wanting more. But you can't have more you greedsters, knock it off.
5. The Three Amigos. I don't know why really. You could try to give me a reason why not but it would probably just result in me kicking you in the throat.
Well there it is, let the race begin. I personally know who I'm rooting for, but I wouldn't want to give that candidate an advantage by influencing voters to vote for him. I notice that none of these candidates are female, and for that I am sorry. I personally would love to vote for a lady, but you must understand that the red states are idiots, but vote in mass quantity, hence why the smartest guy on this list is a jar of juice.
Bam Zadam,
Torio
For example, if I want to talk about the past I could talk about the delicious sandwich I had for dinner. And if I want to talk about the future, I could discuss with you the next delicious sandwich I intend to devour. But here in the present, no sandwiches, and that my friends is why the present blows.
But for now we are talking about a particular part of the future, the 2008 presidential election. Many people in the media (which is ran by neither conservatives nor liberals, but instead flesh eating robots... yea robots don't even need to eat flesh, they just do it because they're that bad ass) will try to tell you that they know who the frontrunners for president are. But they're liars. Democrats might try to give you the spiel on why Hillary Clinton has a shot at being president, but remember Democrats enjoy losing, so who cares who they nominate. And the Republicans might try to say one of their popular moderates like John McCain or Rudi Guilliani will take the reigns for the Republicans. But no, they won't try to follow up George Bush with some non-violent pussy like these dudes. But don't fret, I'm here to paint the 2008 election picture for you. I know who's going to take home the win.
No, it's not me, I'm busy in November 2008. I'm taking Oprah on a cruise to the Bahamas. But she thinks were going to Africa to build some schools, so let's keep that on the downlow. Anywho, here are the top five candidates for the next president of the United States. I'll narrow it down for you as the months go by. I suggest you start some kind of office pool on who will win.
1. The Kool-Aid man. Oh you don't think he has a chance? Well oh yeaaaahhhh he does bitch. What doesn't he have that we look for in every president? He has confidence, he has a cool catch phrase, he's filled with a delicious ice cold beverage and when push comes to shove he can kick some ass. A lot of people think we need a president that promotes diversity rather than an old white male. Well since our society wont elect a woman or black president, what spells diversity more than a pitcher of kool-aid?
2. Zack Morris. Let's face it we've gotten ourselves into some problems. This war in Iraq was not what we thought it was going to be. Well then why not elect the best problem solver of our time, Zackary Morris. I feel safe trusting any man to run my country that has proven himself time and time again capable of outwitting Mr. Belding. And even if he does get into some trouble, think of all the lasting relationships and life long lessons we will gain. Plus I think Screech will make an amazing international diplomat.
3. Mitch Bush. Turns out George Bush has a brother we didn't know about named Mitch. Pretty crazy huh? What's also crazy is that he has the exact same beliefs and goals as his his brother George. In fact, the only thing different about the two brothers is that Mitch has a cool looking moustache. So if you're a fan of what we have now, then you'll love Mitch, because let's face it, moustaches make everything cooler.
4. Alf. Alf simply resignates well among the typical American voter. He likes everything every Joe-Shmo does, and he's funny looking. Don't tell me you don't think Alf would increase the State of the Union ratings by roughly 1000%. I could watch Alf for days. I probably wouldn't, but I'm just telling you that I could. Alf brings something to the table none of the other candidates have. The experience of traveling in space. If any country were to get out of line, Alf would not only know how to handle it, but would be able to finish up the job with a witty one liner leaving all of us wanting more. But you can't have more you greedsters, knock it off.
5. The Three Amigos. I don't know why really. You could try to give me a reason why not but it would probably just result in me kicking you in the throat.
Well there it is, let the race begin. I personally know who I'm rooting for, but I wouldn't want to give that candidate an advantage by influencing voters to vote for him. I notice that none of these candidates are female, and for that I am sorry. I personally would love to vote for a lady, but you must understand that the red states are idiots, but vote in mass quantity, hence why the smartest guy on this list is a jar of juice.
Bam Zadam,
Torio
posted by Torio | 12:44 AM
3 Comments:
you the man Mitch!
why cant he be a jug of GRAPE kooolaid?
I miss Morris Udall
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