Witty Blog Title

Well after a holiday hiatus of sorts, I'm back to continue with the saving of the world. And where is a better place to start back up than by talking about what's on all of our minds:

Me.

I'm still quite awesome, and my holiday treated me well so you can stop sending me emails cause I don't have the time to respond to all the fan mail, and when I say I don't have time what I really mean is that I do have time but choose to use that time napping or staring off into nonthingness instead.

Anywho, lets move on and talk about a serious American problem. Something way more serious than war, healthcare, unemployment rates, racism, sexism, religion and all those other boring subjects. The real problem plaguing us Americans is fattiness.

Yes, fattiness. Don't think it's a word, well prove it. By the way the only way you can prove something to me is by having something delicious delivered to me at a time in which I happen to be craving something scrumptious (which happens to be every moment I am not sleeping). By doing this I say to myself, "Man Torio, this dude is serious about whatever he's trying to prove me wrong about, so I mine as well go ahead and concede the fact that he or she is right, henceforth proving me wrong." By doing this, have you proved your point to everyone else? I don't know, but you have proved yourself to me, and that is good enough, for me. It doesn't necessarily mean that the point you're trying to prove has any validity, but I'm willing to sell out, even if it means endorsing some god awful idea that you have. And that my friend is the power of deliciousness.

Now you might not have really understood the last paragraph and may even be considering reading it over again to gain some clarity on the subject, but trust me it's not worth it. Instead, just continue reading, and I promise you by the end of this blog, you'll be done reading. And that's really your main goal when you start reading something, to be done reading it, and so see mission accomplished, everyone's a winner. And then you will all have a feeling of success, which in turn leads to a feeling of fulfillment, which then in turn leads to a feeling of slight anxiety and, but then back to fulfillment, and that indirectly saves the world. So for all you naysayers who think this blog is a mindless rant that doesn't save the world, I bet you feel pretty foolish now.

But I digress, let's get back to what I was talking about earlier, fattiness. Fattiness is the biggest enemy of the American people. You may have thought it was the terrorists, but we can bomb terrorists in a jiffy. Fattiness hides within the American populace, thus making it unbombable (for now). I guess now would be a good time to define fattiness. Ready? Fattiness is the hidden mysterious enemy of the American people that makes us fat. What causes fattiness? Well we don't know yet for sure, we think it might be exercise, but that is just a flimsy conclusion we came to after preliminary tests. For now I'd recommend you stay in doors, eat at an ever increasing rate, and continue to consume more than you produce. Also, just to be on the safe side I'd stay away from any intense games of competitive boggle. Oh and I'm pretty sure watching "The Biggest Loser" and "Celebrity Fit Club" will drastically help.

Doesn't it feel nice to be done?,
Torio

The calendars are done, so let me know if you want one.

Oh and just so you all know, fattiness is a word, so even though I mapped out how you can prove to me that I'm wrong, you'll still be wrong.