Bush Nominates Alito for Supreme Court Justice
So George Bush nominated Judge Samuel Alito to be the next Supreme Court Justice. Many people are accusing him of being too conservative. Not me though. No friends, I am here to tell you that Alito sucks for a completely different reason. This guy sucks because I don't know anything about him, and frankly I don't feel like reading up on another judge again. No, I think it's time for one of my cronies to end up on the supreme court. So I am going to go ahead and nominate a canidate of my own. Don't think I can do that? Read on.
I, Torio, officially declare Paul "the dude who lives down the hall from me with the cool goatee" as my nominee for Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America. Hold on, don't be so quick to write Paul off, let me explain first. Okay one, he's a neat guy. Also, he has a really cool goatee, I wish I could grow a goatee like that. He looks good in a robe. He can read. He doesn't kill people. He does what I tell him to.
It should be known that for halloween Paul went as Captain America. Coincidence? No way. It was a sign that Paul is prepared to lead(or captain, if you will) America in the judicial branch of government. Also unlike many previous canidates, Paul does not beat around the bush, he ponders a case and then he takes a firm stance on it. Here is how he stands on many of the current controversial issues:
Roe v. Wade: Paul is all about this case. In fact he wont shutup about it. The other day I went over to his place to see if his hot cousin was there and he was talking about it the entire time I was there. She wasn't there though, she had class, which I actually should have known cause we had talked about it before - she's taking the same sociology class I took last semester and we had discussed it a couple times before. Anyways, Paul was all worked up about Roe v. Wade. I wasn't really listenting to what he was saying so I can't tell you exactly what his stance is, but I can promise you he has a stance and it's a firm one.
Gay Marriage: Paul is all about gay marriage. We were watching the news one day(cause that's how we love to spend our sunday afternoons) and they were talking about gay marriage, and Paul kept talking about it, even during that cool caveman commerical I like. Anyways, Paul believes that gay people should be allowed to marry, but only if they agree to spend eternity burning in hell for their sins. Seems a bit harsh to me, but on the other hand it seems like a decent trade off.
Brown v. Board of Education: Paul believes that all children should get equal educational opportunities in public schools, regardless of their race. He does not care what kind of political criticism this brings him, Paul believes education is a good thing and that kids should receive it. It's these kind of ballsy decisions that make Paul awesome.
Families: Paul likes the ideas of families, and does not intend to outlaw them.
The People of California v. Torio: Paul believes that it's completely bogus that I was arrested for urinating in public. If someone chooses to urinate in between two cars, Paul feels that as long as one of the cars belongs to you or your friend then that area should temporarily become or own personal property, hence allowing you to urinate in it, but only if it's night time and you're very loud about it. Personally, I think I had it coming, but who am I to argue with Paul?
I think that pretty much sums up why Paul should be our next Supreme Court Justice. But let me end with telling you that Paul watches "Judging Amy" avidly, so if you're going to try to say that he doesn't have any judging experience, you are dead wrong. So please, I urge you to just keep your mouths shut and let the confirmation of Paul go smoothly, if not for me than for all the kids in the world with terminal diseases.
Remembering to take my multi-vitamins,
Torio
I, Torio, officially declare Paul "the dude who lives down the hall from me with the cool goatee" as my nominee for Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America. Hold on, don't be so quick to write Paul off, let me explain first. Okay one, he's a neat guy. Also, he has a really cool goatee, I wish I could grow a goatee like that. He looks good in a robe. He can read. He doesn't kill people. He does what I tell him to.
It should be known that for halloween Paul went as Captain America. Coincidence? No way. It was a sign that Paul is prepared to lead(or captain, if you will) America in the judicial branch of government. Also unlike many previous canidates, Paul does not beat around the bush, he ponders a case and then he takes a firm stance on it. Here is how he stands on many of the current controversial issues:
Roe v. Wade: Paul is all about this case. In fact he wont shutup about it. The other day I went over to his place to see if his hot cousin was there and he was talking about it the entire time I was there. She wasn't there though, she had class, which I actually should have known cause we had talked about it before - she's taking the same sociology class I took last semester and we had discussed it a couple times before. Anyways, Paul was all worked up about Roe v. Wade. I wasn't really listenting to what he was saying so I can't tell you exactly what his stance is, but I can promise you he has a stance and it's a firm one.
Gay Marriage: Paul is all about gay marriage. We were watching the news one day(cause that's how we love to spend our sunday afternoons) and they were talking about gay marriage, and Paul kept talking about it, even during that cool caveman commerical I like. Anyways, Paul believes that gay people should be allowed to marry, but only if they agree to spend eternity burning in hell for their sins. Seems a bit harsh to me, but on the other hand it seems like a decent trade off.
Brown v. Board of Education: Paul believes that all children should get equal educational opportunities in public schools, regardless of their race. He does not care what kind of political criticism this brings him, Paul believes education is a good thing and that kids should receive it. It's these kind of ballsy decisions that make Paul awesome.
Families: Paul likes the ideas of families, and does not intend to outlaw them.
The People of California v. Torio: Paul believes that it's completely bogus that I was arrested for urinating in public. If someone chooses to urinate in between two cars, Paul feels that as long as one of the cars belongs to you or your friend then that area should temporarily become or own personal property, hence allowing you to urinate in it, but only if it's night time and you're very loud about it. Personally, I think I had it coming, but who am I to argue with Paul?
I think that pretty much sums up why Paul should be our next Supreme Court Justice. But let me end with telling you that Paul watches "Judging Amy" avidly, so if you're going to try to say that he doesn't have any judging experience, you are dead wrong. So please, I urge you to just keep your mouths shut and let the confirmation of Paul go smoothly, if not for me than for all the kids in the world with terminal diseases.
Remembering to take my multi-vitamins,
Torio
posted by Torio | 1:33 AM
2 Comments:
Paul how many words per minute can you type? Never mind next question are you Catholic? Because there seems to be a trend here for Catholic judges on the SC...Are you a Bible stomper Paul? Do you usually interupt clever commercials on TV? Please answer these and other questions I have of you before going forward with your nomination
-gwb
Torio, as my newest cronie I'm going to have to have more information on Paul before I take his name to the Senate. Does he have a clever nickname or am I going to have make one up again?
-gwb
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