I Spy a Blueprint to Success

Following a lead that I gave them, the New York Times reported Friday that George Bush signed an order allowing for the National Security Agency to spy on Americans back in 2002. The NSA, who isn't normally supposed to spy on people inside of the United States, says that they were only investigating people with possible links to Al Qaeda.

Bush has since came out and said, "Yeah, so I spied, what of it?"

This an example of why the republican party has proven to be more successful than the democrats in recent history. For example, when Bill Clinton was dealing with the whole Monica Lewinsky thing, he went about it all wrong. He should have taken a page out of the Bush play book. Don't back yourself into a corner by lying about hooking up with an intern, make the American people feel like jerks for not only finding out about it, but also revealing it to the rest of the world. Clinton should have said something like this:

"Yeah, me and my intern were coming up with a way to save the lives of American babies and we decided to fool around a bit because we thought it was in the best interest of you, the American people. Was it the right thing to do? Well let's see, I did it, so damn right it was the right thing to do, for I am a flawless human being who is God's gift to you. Do I regret it? Absolutely not, because if I hadn't it's almost guaranteed that America would be under the rule of terrorists right now. The only thing about this whole ordeal that saddens me is the American's people lack of faith in me. You should feel very ashamed of yourself, because now the terrorists know the way in which I work, and the strategies of my administration. So I must end this press conference now, because I have to increase my intern groping ten fold to make up for your huge mistake."

That's how Bush would have gone about it. Make the Americans feel guilty for questioning you, that is the trick. I call it the "abusive husband presidential strategy." (patent pending, so don't even think about it) Here is the basic blueprint in which it is based:

Wife (the metaphorical American people): "Um, yeah, honey, I don't want to interrupt you, but uh, I couldn't help notice that you were looking through my things. What is that all about?"

Abusive husband (the metaphorical president): "Damnit bitch, I don't care about your things, I'm just looking for some money so I can go get drunk. You should understand that in order for me to keep this marriage afloat I need to be intoxicated so I can tolerate your hideous looks."

Wife: "Oh yeah, I guess I didn't think about it like that."

Abusive Husband: "Yeah, I guess you didn't. That's why I'm in charge of things around here, and why you should keep your mouth shut.

Wife: "Yeah now that you mention it, I guess I don't really keep my mouth shut that often."

Abusive Husband: "How about less talk, more find me money."

Wife: "You don't let me have money."

Abusive Husband: "Yeah that does that sound like me."

And then after that something happens that is a lot like what I was talking about earlier.

Saying hi to the NSA agent reading this blog,
Torio