This Is Way Beyond Webster
This is the second installment of how to talk Torioness. I would hope that you have instilled the old terms into your everyday usage, so now we can take it a step further. Lets begin.
Kerpow: Kerpow dates back to ancient Greece and was popular for centuries until it lost favor during the black plague era. But I am here to bring it back. This is a word to be flaunted outrageously whenever possible. The original method of using it was when you wanted to add your own sound effect to something loud you were doing. For example, when the Greeks came out of the Trojan horse they yelled Kerpow! everytime they hit something with their sword. You know, for emphasis. Since then it has evolved of course. Now, say you're playing a fierce game of table tennis and your opponent lobs a ball up into your wheel house you just flash a smug smile that says to him "Oh no you didn't" then you slam that ball so hard it hits the ceiling on the way back up, then follow that up with "Kerpow bitch!" It's important to not over use this word, you want people to know they've been kerpowed, so only use it when they really have been, otherwise you lose credibility both for yourself and all of us that also use Kerpow. One place you can't over use it though is church.
What's new?: Okay when I say this it doesn't mean you have to tell me whatever is new just for the sake of it. It really means "Anything new that is both interesting and directly related to me?" If the answer is yes, it would probably still be best that you say "Eh, nothing really, you wanna go get a burrito?" Because I will always say yes to this. Then if there's time while we are waiting for our food to come maybe you can tell me that new thing you were thinking about earlier, but if not no biggie, we have chips and salsa now.
Scando: This word is perfect for those of you who love to judge people. It basically means that there is something wrong with someone or something. Say you met some guy at a party who wore all black, never showered, and only spoke in tounges. That guy would be considered scando. But the word scando is a pretty wide ranged word. Say you also met some guy who had one arm that was slightly longer than the other, that's kinda weird, therefore he too is scando. Also when calling someone scando it's best that you do it in front of them but not to them. For example say you're at a party with that guy with the slightly extra long arm, you'd want to say really loudly to your friend "See that guy over there, he's pretty scando." That way the guy could hear you and therefore understand that he is indeed scando. No reason he should continue to live the lie, ya know?
Scatter: This is a word you'll find in the Webster's dictionary, but the TRoT version takes it a step further. When you're with a group of friends and for some reason it is in the best interest of the group that you all break out into a run in opposite directions while screaming and flailing your limbs in a panic, you can do this by simply yelling scatter. One obvious example of a good time to use this word would be when you see cops and you don't want to have to deal with them. But another good example would be if your group is walking and having a good day, but then you make eye contact with that one person in the group that really isn't your friend, but he or she thinks shes apart of the group. At first you're like "Okay guys play it cool, tell her we can't hang out tonight cause we're studying." So you do that. But then she's like "Oh that's cool, well I'll come by anyway and study with you guys." So you're like nice try, and say "Uh well it's actually for a class you're not in." Then she'll probably say "Oh really, what class?" And this is where I always mess up and say, "Uh, Burritologynicity... and gender studies." Then, of course, she says "Uh that's not a class, do you guys just not want to hang out with me or something." Thats the cue for you to yell "Scatter!" And then commense with the scattering protocol. It would be a good idea to setup a rendevous point, ours is the burrito place, cause after a good run you'll be glad to find yourself at the burrito place.
Well, that's all for now. I really hope these words can be helpful in the future for you. Next time you use one of them, think of me, and then think of how awesome I am, and how lucky you are to know of me. Then think, Am I thinking about Torio too much? The answer is no.
Missing Richard Pryor,
Torio
Kerpow: Kerpow dates back to ancient Greece and was popular for centuries until it lost favor during the black plague era. But I am here to bring it back. This is a word to be flaunted outrageously whenever possible. The original method of using it was when you wanted to add your own sound effect to something loud you were doing. For example, when the Greeks came out of the Trojan horse they yelled Kerpow! everytime they hit something with their sword. You know, for emphasis. Since then it has evolved of course. Now, say you're playing a fierce game of table tennis and your opponent lobs a ball up into your wheel house you just flash a smug smile that says to him "Oh no you didn't" then you slam that ball so hard it hits the ceiling on the way back up, then follow that up with "Kerpow bitch!" It's important to not over use this word, you want people to know they've been kerpowed, so only use it when they really have been, otherwise you lose credibility both for yourself and all of us that also use Kerpow. One place you can't over use it though is church.
What's new?: Okay when I say this it doesn't mean you have to tell me whatever is new just for the sake of it. It really means "Anything new that is both interesting and directly related to me?" If the answer is yes, it would probably still be best that you say "Eh, nothing really, you wanna go get a burrito?" Because I will always say yes to this. Then if there's time while we are waiting for our food to come maybe you can tell me that new thing you were thinking about earlier, but if not no biggie, we have chips and salsa now.
Scando: This word is perfect for those of you who love to judge people. It basically means that there is something wrong with someone or something. Say you met some guy at a party who wore all black, never showered, and only spoke in tounges. That guy would be considered scando. But the word scando is a pretty wide ranged word. Say you also met some guy who had one arm that was slightly longer than the other, that's kinda weird, therefore he too is scando. Also when calling someone scando it's best that you do it in front of them but not to them. For example say you're at a party with that guy with the slightly extra long arm, you'd want to say really loudly to your friend "See that guy over there, he's pretty scando." That way the guy could hear you and therefore understand that he is indeed scando. No reason he should continue to live the lie, ya know?
Scatter: This is a word you'll find in the Webster's dictionary, but the TRoT version takes it a step further. When you're with a group of friends and for some reason it is in the best interest of the group that you all break out into a run in opposite directions while screaming and flailing your limbs in a panic, you can do this by simply yelling scatter. One obvious example of a good time to use this word would be when you see cops and you don't want to have to deal with them. But another good example would be if your group is walking and having a good day, but then you make eye contact with that one person in the group that really isn't your friend, but he or she thinks shes apart of the group. At first you're like "Okay guys play it cool, tell her we can't hang out tonight cause we're studying." So you do that. But then she's like "Oh that's cool, well I'll come by anyway and study with you guys." So you're like nice try, and say "Uh well it's actually for a class you're not in." Then she'll probably say "Oh really, what class?" And this is where I always mess up and say, "Uh, Burritologynicity... and gender studies." Then, of course, she says "Uh that's not a class, do you guys just not want to hang out with me or something." Thats the cue for you to yell "Scatter!" And then commense with the scattering protocol. It would be a good idea to setup a rendevous point, ours is the burrito place, cause after a good run you'll be glad to find yourself at the burrito place.
Well, that's all for now. I really hope these words can be helpful in the future for you. Next time you use one of them, think of me, and then think of how awesome I am, and how lucky you are to know of me. Then think, Am I thinking about Torio too much? The answer is no.
Missing Richard Pryor,
Torio
posted by Torio | 11:58 PM
1 Comments:
Scatter, Scando, Kerpow, Burritologynicity...Thank you for the new words Torio, I can't wait to add them to my daily dialog... opps sorry I ryhmed a little.
-F. Wagner
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