Mmmmmmm Oscar's Breadsticks

So the Oscar's have come and gone, leaving all of us all thinking yet again, how does the academy continue to snub Torio? Listen, I can understand your disbelief, and I am very flattered for the public outcry, but let me put all your minds at ease. I've never actually appeared in a movie. It's true. Although contrary to popular belief I was not the actor for the following parts:

Flounder, in the Little Mermaid: No this little guy was played by an actual fish. Thanks for appreciating that I have that kind of range though.

Dottie Henson, in the A League of Their Own: Again not me, this part was actually played by Geena Davis. I was casted for Dottie Henson but turned down the part when I showed up the first day of filming only to find that the orange M&M's had not be removed from my candy dish. You're welcome Geena Davis.

King Kong, in King Kong: Nope, that was my brother.

Silent Bob, in Dogma: Nay, I don't do movies with Ben Affleck.

Tyler Durden, in Fight Club: Oh yea that was me actually, screw you academy.

Getting back to this year's Oscars, I have to say that I am not pleased. I didn't see all of the movies up for nomination, but I'm pretty sure I saw previews and/or commercials for each of them so I think I can safely say I know who should have won. Here it is.

First off, how in the world did King Kong win the Oscar for achievement in sound mixing over Memoirs of a Geisha? Nobody can mix some sound like Kevin O'Connell, Greg P. Russell, Rick Kline and John Pritchett, and I would have thought that to be obvious.

Secondly, I was glad to see that Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit won the Oscar for best animated feature film of the year, but why did the academy stop there? Wallace & Gromit showed a beautiful display of important social commentary mixed in with light hearted moral lessons much more eloquently then Crash did. Plus it was clay animation, therefore the obvious pick for best picture.

Next, I don't know who the actor is who played Truman Capote, in Capote, but Phillip Seymour Hoffman should give him his Oscar, because that guy nailed it.

And finally, Reese Witherspoon, seriously? Listen I'm sure she did a fine job in Walk the Line, but how could the academy overlook the obvious winner for best actress this year. I am of course speaking of the actress who played Big Momma in this year's biggest hit, Big Momma's House 2.

Ryan Phillipe is officially the bitch,
Torio