UN to Decrease Aid to Darfur

Maybe you're unaware, but there's a place in Africa called Darfur and people wont stop trying to make it a big deal. Apparently the government is really cruel and people are starving, but so is that anorexic girl on the Real World so I don't see how it's our problem. She has all kinds of food at her disposal, but you wont find her eating all the time, because she's a true patriot. Maybe you should take a page from her book Darfur, and stop complaining about not having food. We get it, you're hungry.

Now, you're probably wondering if you should care about this whole Darfur situation? Well, you shouldn't, you have too much to worry about, like how St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner, and you don't have any plans yet. Maybe consider getting drunk. Anywho, the UN says its 2006 budget for aid to Darfur will be decreased roughly 44% as compared to last year.

Great idea.

Sometimes people criticize the UN for being a pointless organization that wastes all of our time and money. But then they go and cut aid to Darfur, and completely thwart any doubts of their necessity. When a country is in a brutal civil war and most of its citizens are starving why give them aid? You shouldn't. Instead, let's use that money to buy some tanks, because tanks are cool.

The UN had intended to give roughly 33 million dollars in aid to Darfur this year, but decided to lower that number to somewhere around 18.5 million. Since the three year conflict between the government and rebels began, over 1.5 million people have become homeless, often traveling from town to town doing ridiculous stuff to try and survive. But we've all heard that story before right, so let's not get into that downer again. However, if we do math we realize that 18.5 million dollars distributed to 1.5 million citizens mean that each person gets $12.33 for the year. Plus you have to figure a good amount of people have probably starved or been shot since you started reading this blog, so that number is only getting bigger. Well let me let you in on a secret Darfur: You can get a grande meal at Taco Bell for $8.99. That's your choice of any combination of 10 tacos or bean burritos. Mmm, yea, getting excited? Plus that leaves you with about $3.34 for vitamins, vaccinations, or treatment for the HIV, although I'd recommend you get a churro and a drink. Problem solved, well done UN, that's just some good financial planning. So all of you crazies trying to make us spend our precious time feeling bad about the conditions in Africa, you can stop now, that fire has been put out.

And that goes for every little thing that you radicals try and make a big deal. For example, hey Hollywood, quit telling us about how America screwed the Indians over. I don't care how many Colin Farrell movies you make telling me that we stole some land and killed almost an entire race, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. You forget that we are American, and as Americans we are born with the innate ability to not give a shit. You might call it apathy, but I call it the easy way to board the fun train. So keep those eyes and ears shut America, unless of course you're watching American Idol, because remember you love America and you love Idols. And when the two come together ohhhh man, get excited because good times are a-coming.

Don't forget the hot sauce,
Torio