7th Heaven Cancelled
Well it looks as though the terrorists have finally won. The long running family drama, 7th Heaven, was cancelled yesterday after ten seasons. Truly a sad day for America. How will American parents know how to raise their kids in a traditional and god-fearing manner? I guess they will have to read this blog to obtain their parenting advice, as Reverend Camden will be abandoning the American people for good following this season. And so begins the first installment of Parenting, Torioness style:
Okay, so here's the hitch. Say your daughter tells you that she's going to Island's restaurant for a delicious meal with her friends, but then calls you and says that they're going to go to Panda Express instead. You tell that bitch to get home immedeately, cause a meal at Panda Express is about half the price of a meal at Island's and she is clearly intending to spend that extra money on drugs.
So say your son finds out you have a drinking and hooker problem? Sit him down and explain to him, in a sooting parental voice, that if he ever bring this up that you will break his face. Just to be sure this conversation stays fresh in his mind, put a note on his door that says "Do you like your face?" every so often. Be sure to put the note in the door with a knife to send a strong, yet loving, parental message.
In the event your son or daughter has a party at your house, pretend that you're cool with it at first. Let everyone there drink all of the alcohol that they illegaly obtained, and then tell them that you're taking them to Denny's for a late night meal. Instead, however, drive them to the darkest most abandoned field you can find and let them out. Make them each spin around in circes for 5minutes, then yell "Race to home, go." Then get in your car and leave them there, if you do this right you should have 3 or 4 days off from parenting. It's also a good idea to call up all of your kids friend's parents, yelling at them cause you can't find your kid. This will help if you have to go to court later.
If your son or daughter gets pregnant, driving them out to an abandoned field also works here as well.
Blaming Alfred Hitchcock for the bird flu,
Torio
Okay, so here's the hitch. Say your daughter tells you that she's going to Island's restaurant for a delicious meal with her friends, but then calls you and says that they're going to go to Panda Express instead. You tell that bitch to get home immedeately, cause a meal at Panda Express is about half the price of a meal at Island's and she is clearly intending to spend that extra money on drugs.
So say your son finds out you have a drinking and hooker problem? Sit him down and explain to him, in a sooting parental voice, that if he ever bring this up that you will break his face. Just to be sure this conversation stays fresh in his mind, put a note on his door that says "Do you like your face?" every so often. Be sure to put the note in the door with a knife to send a strong, yet loving, parental message.
In the event your son or daughter has a party at your house, pretend that you're cool with it at first. Let everyone there drink all of the alcohol that they illegaly obtained, and then tell them that you're taking them to Denny's for a late night meal. Instead, however, drive them to the darkest most abandoned field you can find and let them out. Make them each spin around in circes for 5minutes, then yell "Race to home, go." Then get in your car and leave them there, if you do this right you should have 3 or 4 days off from parenting. It's also a good idea to call up all of your kids friend's parents, yelling at them cause you can't find your kid. This will help if you have to go to court later.
If your son or daughter gets pregnant, driving them out to an abandoned field also works here as well.
Blaming Alfred Hitchcock for the bird flu,
Torio
posted by Torio | 2:11 PM
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