I Thought We Were Friends
It seems like most people either love or hate shopping. Personally though, I have no big beef with it. Some people talk about shopping malls like they are hubs for capitalist greed and big business hate mongers. They are pretty much right. But, at least you know this about malls going in and that's why they don't bug me. Me and the megamall by my house have an agreement. An agreement we came to a while back, I promised to stop running around Charlotte Russe naked if he didn't trick me with his maze like antics that always left me getting lost in the mall for 3 to 4 days at a time. Ever since, I've been okay with malls, mostly cause I don't go in them anymore.
But something about them has really begun to piss me off a lot lately. The dudes at the cellphone kiosks. They seem like such awesome guys, or ladies. They look just like those cool kids in highschool (probably cause they are) with their cool hair, popular shoes, and of course their technologically savvy celular phones. And they always get me.
I will be walking along with my Orange Julius, Cinnabon or whatever delicious food court treat that caught my fancy that day until whammy, "Hey you look like a cool dude, would you like a better cell phone plan?"
I look at him.
Absafuckinglutley, I'd like a better cell phone plan. Because I like my cell phone a lot and if you can somehow make it better, like you say, bring it. But this is where things take a turn for the worst. You might think super cool cell phone kiosk dude with goatee and earing is trying to help you, but boy are you way off. I went to the mall last week, and 4 new cell phone contracts later my cell phone experience is no better.
So you know what Trent, super cool Verizon man, you're a jerk. You told me that a 6 year Verizon contract would help both my love life and that rash I have, and nothing has changed. In fact, the rash has gotten a lot worse, and you should probably look into seeing a doctor because if I remember right, we shook hands.
Anywho, my proposition is that we get rid of all of the kiosks in the middle of the mallways and replace them with full size bowling lanes. I think this will help a lot because with all the anxiety shopping in a crowded mall brings to guys, knocking some pins down would really help. In fact, I can't think of anything that would make me want to spend my money on trivial unnecessary items more than when I pick up a spare.
Also, yesterday was the one month anniversary of The Realm of Torioness. Not one of you bothered to take me out or even give me a call. I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't hurt. But I have never based this relationship of ours on a what do I do for you, what do you do for me basis, so I will not hold a grudge. Instead I will simply ask that you all send a $20 apology fee to 1721 E. Cotati Ave. #2721 Rohnert Park, CA 94928.
Holding it together for now,
Torio
But something about them has really begun to piss me off a lot lately. The dudes at the cellphone kiosks. They seem like such awesome guys, or ladies. They look just like those cool kids in highschool (probably cause they are) with their cool hair, popular shoes, and of course their technologically savvy celular phones. And they always get me.
I will be walking along with my Orange Julius, Cinnabon or whatever delicious food court treat that caught my fancy that day until whammy, "Hey you look like a cool dude, would you like a better cell phone plan?"
I look at him.
Absafuckinglutley, I'd like a better cell phone plan. Because I like my cell phone a lot and if you can somehow make it better, like you say, bring it. But this is where things take a turn for the worst. You might think super cool cell phone kiosk dude with goatee and earing is trying to help you, but boy are you way off. I went to the mall last week, and 4 new cell phone contracts later my cell phone experience is no better.
So you know what Trent, super cool Verizon man, you're a jerk. You told me that a 6 year Verizon contract would help both my love life and that rash I have, and nothing has changed. In fact, the rash has gotten a lot worse, and you should probably look into seeing a doctor because if I remember right, we shook hands.
Anywho, my proposition is that we get rid of all of the kiosks in the middle of the mallways and replace them with full size bowling lanes. I think this will help a lot because with all the anxiety shopping in a crowded mall brings to guys, knocking some pins down would really help. In fact, I can't think of anything that would make me want to spend my money on trivial unnecessary items more than when I pick up a spare.
Also, yesterday was the one month anniversary of The Realm of Torioness. Not one of you bothered to take me out or even give me a call. I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't hurt. But I have never based this relationship of ours on a what do I do for you, what do you do for me basis, so I will not hold a grudge. Instead I will simply ask that you all send a $20 apology fee to 1721 E. Cotati Ave. #2721 Rohnert Park, CA 94928.
Holding it together for now,
Torio
posted by Torio | 1:01 AM
3 Comments:
APOLOGY IS IN THE MAIL
Yeah, mine too! I also placed a gift certificate for any food vendor at any mall.(only good at participating dealerships west of the Mississippi not good between blackout dates from Jan-Dec and a few other dates as well check local malls for further details)
this isn't really about the mall is it? there's gotta be some underlying meaning....
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