Lets Ditch This Party
Okay so with all the talk of whether or not George Bush should set up a timetable for the withdrawl of US forces in Iraq, you've probably been avoiding taking a stance on the subject because you want to wait and make sure yours is the same as mine. Well here it is. Now that pretty much every politician and other talking head has spouted off on why it's a good or bad idea, I am here to put them in their place. Should Bush set up a timetable for troop withdrawl? Yes. A really good one, preferably made on excel with colored columns and written in Wingdings so the terroists can't understand it.
Now I can sit here and explain to you why we should set up a timetable, in which case you anti-war readers will say yes Torio you sure are wise, and then you pro-war people will hit me with some Rumsfeldian "America will implode the day we leave Iraq" ramble-bamble. So instead, I'm taking a less talk more rock approach. I've cut right past the political jarble and have constructed one killer timetable on how we are to leave Iraq. I think once you take a gander at this bad boy you'll understand why the timetable is a good idea.
Bush's timeline for troop withdrawl:
11/21/2005
Construct 80,000 cardboard cutouts of US Soldiers.
11/22/2005
Play Crash Bandicoot while the cutouts are in production.
11/23/2005
Date with Condi.
11/24/2005
Strategically place the cutouts around Iraq, consider drawing angry eyebrows on them to make them look intimidating. Also, eat some turkey.
11/25/2005
Be strong, don’t call Condi yet.
11/26/2005
Call Condi, invite her to the John Mayer concert, be cool.
11/27/2005
Withdraw 1,000 troops.
11/28/2005
Take a half day.
11/29/2005
Withdraw another 1,000 troops.
11/30/2005
Try to get 3 levels further on Crash Bandicoot. If there’s time, withdraw the other 158,000 troops.
12/1/2005
Make sure all troops have returned to America. Drop Donald Rumsfeld off in Iraq. This is for his safety, because he has been very adamant about the fact that America will fall apart if the American troops are actually in America.
And so you see, if we treat it very carefully and follow this strong model for troop withdrawl, we can have the troops home by December. Sometimes I don't understand why I'm the only one who thinks of these things, but I guess that's just how it goes when you are the raddest dude on the planet.
Some of you might not be able to make sense of this timetable or how exactly it will lead to peace in both Iraq and the United States. Well that is because you have smaller brains than us, the rich elite. But I'm here to tell you that although it is difficult for you to reach the extreme brain capacity that I and my contemporaries hold, it is possible. If you work hard, get paid less than you deserve, buy a lot of name brand clothing, purchase an H2, listen to pop music, and keep your mouth shut you have a shot. Unitl then, start coming to terms with the fact that we are exploiting you and just hope that one day you, the exploitee, can become the exploiter. Also, reading this blog will help you climb the social ladder, reading books wont.
Big fan of Hammocks,
Torio
Now I can sit here and explain to you why we should set up a timetable, in which case you anti-war readers will say yes Torio you sure are wise, and then you pro-war people will hit me with some Rumsfeldian "America will implode the day we leave Iraq" ramble-bamble. So instead, I'm taking a less talk more rock approach. I've cut right past the political jarble and have constructed one killer timetable on how we are to leave Iraq. I think once you take a gander at this bad boy you'll understand why the timetable is a good idea.
Bush's timeline for troop withdrawl:
11/21/2005
Construct 80,000 cardboard cutouts of US Soldiers.
11/22/2005
Play Crash Bandicoot while the cutouts are in production.
11/23/2005
Date with Condi.
11/24/2005
Strategically place the cutouts around Iraq, consider drawing angry eyebrows on them to make them look intimidating. Also, eat some turkey.
11/25/2005
Be strong, don’t call Condi yet.
11/26/2005
Call Condi, invite her to the John Mayer concert, be cool.
11/27/2005
Withdraw 1,000 troops.
11/28/2005
Take a half day.
11/29/2005
Withdraw another 1,000 troops.
11/30/2005
Try to get 3 levels further on Crash Bandicoot. If there’s time, withdraw the other 158,000 troops.
12/1/2005
Make sure all troops have returned to America. Drop Donald Rumsfeld off in Iraq. This is for his safety, because he has been very adamant about the fact that America will fall apart if the American troops are actually in America.
And so you see, if we treat it very carefully and follow this strong model for troop withdrawl, we can have the troops home by December. Sometimes I don't understand why I'm the only one who thinks of these things, but I guess that's just how it goes when you are the raddest dude on the planet.
Some of you might not be able to make sense of this timetable or how exactly it will lead to peace in both Iraq and the United States. Well that is because you have smaller brains than us, the rich elite. But I'm here to tell you that although it is difficult for you to reach the extreme brain capacity that I and my contemporaries hold, it is possible. If you work hard, get paid less than you deserve, buy a lot of name brand clothing, purchase an H2, listen to pop music, and keep your mouth shut you have a shot. Unitl then, start coming to terms with the fact that we are exploiting you and just hope that one day you, the exploitee, can become the exploiter. Also, reading this blog will help you climb the social ladder, reading books wont.
Big fan of Hammocks,
Torio
posted by Torio | 11:50 PM
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