What's All This Shooting A Boot?

A shoot-out took place today on the busy streets of Toronto, killing one and wounding six. The incident happened in a busy part of downtown Toronto in the midst of many post-holiday shoppers.

What is this about Canada?

All of this talk about how safe and anti-violent Canada is and then whamo, some dudes shoot up downtown Toronto while people are just trying to return that crap they got for Christmas. Not to mention the Boxing Day crowds that filled the sidewalks. Earlier today I went out shopping, and did not get shot at. You know why? cause I wasn't in Canada, and also because I was with Chuck Norris.

Canada, this is all you had. If you want a good pizza pie you go to Italy, if you want to gloat on July 4 you go to England, if you want to conquer something you go to France, and if you want to keep things safe and simple you go to Canada. Or at least you use to.

And you know what else you might not know about Canada, it's cold there, pretty much all of the time. And also they're all about letting terrorists kick them around. I mean while it may be true that they have not had any terrorist attacks on their soil ever, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have the fear of getting the "big attack" any day now. And it is that lack of fear that makes them such losers. If you don't live in a constant state of fear, how are you going to get your people to go to war? Hockey maybe, I dunno.

What I do know, however, is that the Canadians are trouble. And if we're going to go through with this wall/fence thing on the Mexican border we mine as well go ahead and build one up north for your Canadian neighbors as well. And then maybe some walls around West Virginia just because I bet they wont see that coming. Also, if we have some extra wall supplies I think we should build a wall around this guy Ted's house, he's been acting like a real jerk lately.

I didn't mean you Vancouver,
Torio

Putting the Xtreme into Xmas

So with Christmas only 3 days away, you might think now would be a good time to write a blog about the holidays. But no, let's instead talk about troop withdrawal. For the first time, it appears that Bush has given in to the will of the people, as he ordered the removal of two army brigades from Iraq, thus bringing somewhere from 8,000-10,000 troops home in the near future.

What a pussy.

If I wanted a president that catered to the will of the people, I'd move to Canada. Probably Vancouver, that seems like a neat town. Those crybabies up north get everything, even medicine when they need it. You might say, "But Canada, they don't ever do anything." I know, and don't you find that you enjoy the days when you just do nothing.

Now I've gotten on Bush's case before for his unorganized and unnecessary war in Iraq, so you might be wondering why I am now getting on his decision to withdrawal troops. Is it sarcasm? possibly. I think it's more though, that I'm a jerk, and the sooner you recognize that the better off we will be.

What is my real beef with the war in Iraq though? Well let me introduce you to a friend of mine. And when I say friend of mine, I mean extreme TRoT fan that makes me sandwiches regularly. This is Warren Irack, any resemblance to Paul from the Wonder Years, is purely coincidental. Warren, for reasons unbenknowing to me, has trouble making friends. It might be because he's kind of slow, and then the glasses of course. Something that hasn't helped is the constant negativity surrounding the phrase "War in Iraq", which has really affected Warren's self-worth. At first it was exciting for Warren to hear his name, but he has come to realize that his name is a topic that only brings up angry banter, and saddened tones. Plus, why is it always about Kevin and Winnie, doesn't anyone ever think maybe Paul has a thing for Winnie too? So selfish.

Anywho, I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that the War in Iraq sucks because it is directly responsible for destroying Paul and Kevin's careers. Frankly, I don't see how keeping Fred Savage off of American TV screens is helping anything, and definitely not the terror situation. And I think if there's one time in which America could really benefit from the good American values that the Wonder Years has to offer it's now, during the holidays. And that my friends, is what we call bringing it all back full circle.

I'm like Aaron Burr the way I drop Hamiltons,
Torio

Transit Strike Strikes New York

Sometimes when we write about news it can be a few days after the event actually happened. And you know why that is? Because I am lazy and you guys aren't paying me anything, even though I'm pretty much saving your lives. However, you are in for a treat today. I went on to CNN.com to look for a trivial news story to write about, and the most interesting thing I could find just so happened to have just happened.

I know what you're thinking, "The Realm of Torioness doesn't go out and seek its own news stories, but instead relies on the corporate owned corrupt news networks for its news?" Oh no we do, what I said about me checking CNN.com was me tricking you. You really shouldn't be so naive.

Anywho, the NY city transit workers went on strike very early Tuesday morning(eastern time) thus shutting down the largest public transit system in the country. So if you're one of our NY city readers who were reading the blog before work in order to load up with some witty banter to bring up around the water cooler, you mine as well get back in those pj's because the subways are closed. I'm not sure if the taxis will be out of service, but I don't see why you should take the time to find out. I wouldn't recommend walking to work either, because if you do I have on good authority it will result in you having to do work.

Now what does this mean for all of us who live outside the city of New York? More than you might think, unless of course you plan on remaining outside the city of New York for the next week or so, in which case it doesn't really mean anything to you.

The strike is another example of why New Yorkers are badass. Not because they're not working, or even because they chose to go on strike during the busy holiday season thus increasing the holiday chaos. No, these New York transit workers are badasses because they stuck it to the man. New York governor, George Pataki, threatened the workers by saying a walkout would be illegal and they could be punished for doing so.

Big mistake.

When trying to subdue a pissed off group of people threatening to quit it's probably not the best idea to take the "You couldn't quit if you wanted to" approach. It's like when you tell a kid he can't ride his skateboard down the football stadium steps, can he actually do it? probably not, but he's obligated to try now. By the way, expanding on the skateboard down the stadium steps argument, I didn't actually make it all the way down, but my skateboarding skills were never all that great and I'd say that it probably is possible with a little "can do" attitude.

Regardless of whether or not you live in New York, or take the New York city transit system, don't go into work today. If you're already at work, leave immediately. How can you leave work with the excuse that you have to leave because the New York city transit workers are on strike? I don't know, but if you end up getting fired you can work for the Realm of Torioness, we don't even interview. We also don't pay in cash, but we do have a big bucket of coupons that you are welcome to help yourself to. No hoarding coupons though, it's a community bucket. You might be anticipating getting an oil change, but anticipating does not mean you can take the 10% of at Jiffy Lube coupon unless you're actually going to get an oil change in the next few days. God that is so selfish. Also be weary of expiration dates, they'll catch up on you.

Believer that Cool Whip improves hot chocolate,
Torio

I Spy a Blueprint to Success

Following a lead that I gave them, the New York Times reported Friday that George Bush signed an order allowing for the National Security Agency to spy on Americans back in 2002. The NSA, who isn't normally supposed to spy on people inside of the United States, says that they were only investigating people with possible links to Al Qaeda.

Bush has since came out and said, "Yeah, so I spied, what of it?"

This an example of why the republican party has proven to be more successful than the democrats in recent history. For example, when Bill Clinton was dealing with the whole Monica Lewinsky thing, he went about it all wrong. He should have taken a page out of the Bush play book. Don't back yourself into a corner by lying about hooking up with an intern, make the American people feel like jerks for not only finding out about it, but also revealing it to the rest of the world. Clinton should have said something like this:

"Yeah, me and my intern were coming up with a way to save the lives of American babies and we decided to fool around a bit because we thought it was in the best interest of you, the American people. Was it the right thing to do? Well let's see, I did it, so damn right it was the right thing to do, for I am a flawless human being who is God's gift to you. Do I regret it? Absolutely not, because if I hadn't it's almost guaranteed that America would be under the rule of terrorists right now. The only thing about this whole ordeal that saddens me is the American's people lack of faith in me. You should feel very ashamed of yourself, because now the terrorists know the way in which I work, and the strategies of my administration. So I must end this press conference now, because I have to increase my intern groping ten fold to make up for your huge mistake."

That's how Bush would have gone about it. Make the Americans feel guilty for questioning you, that is the trick. I call it the "abusive husband presidential strategy." (patent pending, so don't even think about it) Here is the basic blueprint in which it is based:

Wife (the metaphorical American people): "Um, yeah, honey, I don't want to interrupt you, but uh, I couldn't help notice that you were looking through my things. What is that all about?"

Abusive husband (the metaphorical president): "Damnit bitch, I don't care about your things, I'm just looking for some money so I can go get drunk. You should understand that in order for me to keep this marriage afloat I need to be intoxicated so I can tolerate your hideous looks."

Wife: "Oh yeah, I guess I didn't think about it like that."

Abusive Husband: "Yeah, I guess you didn't. That's why I'm in charge of things around here, and why you should keep your mouth shut.

Wife: "Yeah now that you mention it, I guess I don't really keep my mouth shut that often."

Abusive Husband: "How about less talk, more find me money."

Wife: "You don't let me have money."

Abusive Husband: "Yeah that does that sound like me."

And then after that something happens that is a lot like what I was talking about earlier.

Saying hi to the NSA agent reading this blog,
Torio

Elections tomorrow

Tomorrow marks the first Iraqi election for actual people, when they vote for a four year parliament. Now, you're probably wondering who to vote for, but don't, because you're not allowed to vote. I know, I found it pretty outrageous myself. Who does George Bush think he his denying Americans the right to vote. It's too bad too cause I really wanted to vote for Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, the shiite cleric who doesn't take shiite from anybody.

Did you see what I did there? I exposed the fact that shiite is similar to the cuss word shit and then used it to make a joke.

You know who wouldn't find that joke funny?

Al-Sadr, the guy who was an American enemy just last year and now he's all "Oh I didn't know you were that America", and thinks it's chill for him to run for parliament. Well, I say nay to Al. Wait until the presidential elections dude, the parliament doesn't have any power. They're like the senate, and we all know senators are flip-flopping losers with neither a personality nor friends. But the president of Iraq, now that is power. You'll get to be the first person to know what George Bush is going to make you do. And we all know that knowing is half the battle (Thanks G.I. Joe). And knowing that knowing is half the battle is like 68% of the battle. And 68% is enough to override a presidential veto. You see where I'm going with this? I don't.

So I say to you, my fellow Americans, don't let the fact that you're not Iraqi prevent you from voting this Thursday. We took Iraq fair and square and if they're not going to let us pillage at least let us vote. And if you're not going to let us, whatever we'll do it anyway. Just show up to your polling station on Thursday and I'll have everything arranged. But in the event I don't have it arranged and your polling station is some dude's house, just go in and take one item of your choice, my treat.

Been teaching professors all week,
Torio

This Is Way Beyond Webster

This is the second installment of how to talk Torioness. I would hope that you have instilled the old terms into your everyday usage, so now we can take it a step further. Lets begin.

Kerpow: Kerpow dates back to ancient Greece and was popular for centuries until it lost favor during the black plague era. But I am here to bring it back. This is a word to be flaunted outrageously whenever possible. The original method of using it was when you wanted to add your own sound effect to something loud you were doing. For example, when the Greeks came out of the Trojan horse they yelled Kerpow! everytime they hit something with their sword. You know, for emphasis. Since then it has evolved of course. Now, say you're playing a fierce game of table tennis and your opponent lobs a ball up into your wheel house you just flash a smug smile that says to him "Oh no you didn't" then you slam that ball so hard it hits the ceiling on the way back up, then follow that up with "Kerpow bitch!" It's important to not over use this word, you want people to know they've been kerpowed, so only use it when they really have been, otherwise you lose credibility both for yourself and all of us that also use Kerpow. One place you can't over use it though is church.

What's new?: Okay when I say this it doesn't mean you have to tell me whatever is new just for the sake of it. It really means "Anything new that is both interesting and directly related to me?" If the answer is yes, it would probably still be best that you say "Eh, nothing really, you wanna go get a burrito?" Because I will always say yes to this. Then if there's time while we are waiting for our food to come maybe you can tell me that new thing you were thinking about earlier, but if not no biggie, we have chips and salsa now.

Scando: This word is perfect for those of you who love to judge people. It basically means that there is something wrong with someone or something. Say you met some guy at a party who wore all black, never showered, and only spoke in tounges. That guy would be considered scando. But the word scando is a pretty wide ranged word. Say you also met some guy who had one arm that was slightly longer than the other, that's kinda weird, therefore he too is scando. Also when calling someone scando it's best that you do it in front of them but not to them. For example say you're at a party with that guy with the slightly extra long arm, you'd want to say really loudly to your friend "See that guy over there, he's pretty scando." That way the guy could hear you and therefore understand that he is indeed scando. No reason he should continue to live the lie, ya know?

Scatter: This is a word you'll find in the Webster's dictionary, but the TRoT version takes it a step further. When you're with a group of friends and for some reason it is in the best interest of the group that you all break out into a run in opposite directions while screaming and flailing your limbs in a panic, you can do this by simply yelling scatter. One obvious example of a good time to use this word would be when you see cops and you don't want to have to deal with them. But another good example would be if your group is walking and having a good day, but then you make eye contact with that one person in the group that really isn't your friend, but he or she thinks shes apart of the group. At first you're like "Okay guys play it cool, tell her we can't hang out tonight cause we're studying." So you do that. But then she's like "Oh that's cool, well I'll come by anyway and study with you guys." So you're like nice try, and say "Uh well it's actually for a class you're not in." Then she'll probably say "Oh really, what class?" And this is where I always mess up and say, "Uh, Burritologynicity... and gender studies." Then, of course, she says "Uh that's not a class, do you guys just not want to hang out with me or something." Thats the cue for you to yell "Scatter!" And then commense with the scattering protocol. It would be a good idea to setup a rendevous point, ours is the burrito place, cause after a good run you'll be glad to find yourself at the burrito place.

Well, that's all for now. I really hope these words can be helpful in the future for you. Next time you use one of them, think of me, and then think of how awesome I am, and how lucky you are to know of me. Then think, Am I thinking about Torio too much? The answer is no.

Missing Richard Pryor,
Torio

Ann's Looking a Bit Huskie

Ann coulter, right-wing columnist/author, attempted to give a speech yesterday at the University of Connecticut. Fortunately, there were some college students there to yell "You Suck" and other anti-Ann sentiments. They also had boomboxes playing to add more noise so that her hate mongering voice could not be heard. You know you might think this is immature or inappropriate, but you're wrong. Drawing a Hitler moustache on someone's face is not immature, it's clever. Please notice the protest poster made by one of the UConn protesters located to the right. It's clever because by drawing the Hitler moustache on her face, it is comparing her to Hitler without you having to actually say it. You see, it's because Hitler's moustache is an iconic symbol that has come to represent Nazism. And Nazi's are bad, yesterday's terrorists, if you will. Are you following? Obviously UConn gives its students a good education. Well done Huskies.

Bill O'Reilly said on his show tonight that the left-wing radicals who disrupted Coulter's speech are Nazi's. No Bill, they're Huskies, it says it right on their basketball jerseys. If you wanted to convince me that they were Nazi's, you should have drawn a hitler moustache on pictures of their faces, then maybe you'd have a leg to stand on. Also, you know what Bill, your argument is bullshit. Let me elaborate. You said that it is wrong to invite someone to your university, and then prevent them from expressing the opinions you asked them to talk about. Hmm, where I have seen this before? Oh yeah, your show. I guess cutting someone's mic mid sentence(like you frequently do to your guests) is different then booing them so loudly they can't even hear themselves think.

Now, should the UConn students have found a better way to go about this? Probably. Political discussion is probably the better course of action when trying to deal with important social issues, but it's not nearly as exciting. Plus, Ann Coulter is a super bitch, so don't even try to start feeling bad for that hag. Nobody felt bad for Georgia Tech when they lost to UConn in the NCAA finals a couple years ago, so I'm not even going to think of feeling bad for some hate monger that the UConn faithful gave an earful to. What do these two events have in common? Everything and anything, starting with the fact that Ann Coulter and Emeka Okafor(former UConn star center) are dating. I think, I dunno I heard that somewhere. Don't quote me on that, quote Bill O'Reilly instead.

The factor is going down,
Torio

Saddam Says He's Over Trial

Saddam Hussein is currently underway with his trial for his alleged crimes against humanity. You know even though Saddam Hussein is a jerk, at least he backs up his jerkiness with a real jerky attitude. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Saddam Hussein is a consistent jerk. He "stays the course" with his jerkiness if you will. Anywho, his current jerky move is that he is threatening to boycott his own trial because he says they're not being fair.

Apparently this all started when one of the witnesses went into a detailed account of when Saddam Hussein ruthlessly killed 148 Shia Muslims. Yeah, I guess I have to agree that it's pretty unfair when some dude gets up there and says I saw you kill 148 people. For example, one time I "borrowed" some Dunkaroos from this kid at lunchtime, so he told the teach. I played it cool though, cause this aint no thang, I'm Torio. But then this dick, his name was Luke, told the teacher that he saw me take the Dunkaroos. Not cool dude. This is just another example of how it's not fair when someone tells the truth about something illegal you did.

Oh god how good those Dunkaroos were though.

Okay, so now that we've cleared up that it's not fair when someone catches you being a genocidal murderer, lets take a gander at how the rest of these events went down. First the guy told everyone how Saddam killed the people. Then the judge said lets take a break until Wednesday and we will hear from two more witnesses. To which Saddam said go to hell, I'm not going to come back here and listen to more people talk about what I did back in the day. Wise up and stop living in the past.

That was a paraphrased dialogue of what happened but the "go to hell" part was actually said(see he's keeping up that jerky attitude). He also said, "How come you remember all these things?" to one of the witnesses. Oh Saddam, you so crazy. Now I don't really want to give Saddam advice, cause I'm hoping he gets what's coming to him, but after someone accuses you of murder, it's probably not the best idea to drop "Oh you remember that? That was years ago, I thought everyone had forgotten."

But I have to say, the I'm taking my ball and going home approach isn't really going to be helpful for ole' Saddammy. This is because America wants to kill you. And lets face it we may be a lazy country, but once we set our mind on blowing up, conquering or executing something or someone we pretty much follow through with it. Fair is pretty relative in the American eye. Was it fair when Al Gore lost the 2000 election? no. Was it fair when Meg Ryan cheated on Dennis Quaid with Russell Crowe? oh god no, but it happened, and as Americans we kinda cared, but not really. So you can imagine when something unfair happens to someone we despise that we don't care so much it makes us hungry. And the only thing that is going to cure that hunger is Saddam getting his, that or more cowbell.

I put my pants on one leg at a time,
Torio

Cranking the Heat Up

This weekend the Green Party held rallies in Canada demanding action on global warming. The protesters marched up to the US consulate in Montreal and delivered them a petition that calls for stricter regulations that would lead to a stop to global warming.

There is so much wrong with this. One, if you want to get something done, don't do it in Canada. Because if you do, nobody will care what you're talking a boot. Secondly, the green party, not the best of choice to be the orchestrators of this protest. You really think the Bush administration gives a shit about some granola eating frisbee players? Not unless they're made of oil he wont. And finally, I don't think having a global warming protest in one of the coldest countries in the world during winter is a very good idea. It's hard to say you're on to something when you're protesting in 15 degree weather.

Don't get me wrong, I think pollution and the global warming that it causes are serious issues. This is just yet another case of people not knowing how to correctly go about this. And so I am here to help, again. In an ideal world we would be able to stop the profit obsessed industries that gain wealth with no regard for the environment. But this world lost any chance at being ideal when it cancelled "Hercules", oh how I loved you Kevin Sorbo. So instead, we must make due with the fact that the rich elite are going to choose to destory the world one resource at a time. There's no use in trying to change the elite's minds, we are simply just smarter than you.

So how do you prevent global warming on a non-global scale?

Glad you asked.

Ceiling Fans. Those things are just down right conveinent. Say you're out and about shopping for a snow cone machine(another good anti-global warming mechanism) and you go to like four or five places and by the time you get home you are just beat. Well plop yourself down on your cool tile floor and crank up that ceiling fan. It might not cool you off right away, but give it 20 minutes or so and I think you'll agree that you feel mildly cooler.

You might be saying, "Ceiling fans? That's nothing new, everyone has heard of ceiling fans." Yeah you've heard of them because I just told you about them, jerk. Fortunately, I have taken the ceiling fan idea a step further in order to maximize coolness. Call up your buddy and tell him that you'll pay for pizza if he stands above you and sprays a water bottle into the ceiling fan thus spraying cool refreshing water all around the room. This will result in both a relaxing cool off sensation as well as a meal of delicious pizza to follow.

So there you have it, pretty easy huh?

Freezing,
Torio

Entering the Pitt of Parenthood

Brad Pitt announced that he is currently in the process of becoming the adoptive father of Angelina Jolie's children. Big mistake. That's something you do if you're trying to hook up with Angelina, dude. But you're already there, so why unnecessarily throw that baggage into your overhead compartment? All that can come of this is you getting stuck with some kids that are most likely insane because they were raised by the equally insane Jolie, not to mention any craziness Billy Bob Thornton had time to inflict on them.

But hey, I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for Brad Pitt, and I'm not going to bash on Angelina Jolie anymore either. I think it's great that Angelina is so committed to saving the world that she is willing to sleep with Brad Pitt in order to get him to save the world as well. Is it a coincidence that Brad Pitt became the spokesman for the "One" campaign right after the filming of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"? I say nay, that was the work of some great humanitarian work done by one kick ass Tomb Raider.

You see it's like a trickle down effect. Angelina uses her super hotness to get Brad Pitt to save the world. Matt Damon, who wants to be just like Brad Pitt, in turn also joins the "One" campaign. Plus the many ladies who want to be with Brad Pitt, along with the many dudes who want to be him begin thinking with some weird twisted logic that saving the world might make them super hot and popular as well. Well it doesn't. At best your karma level jumps up a few notches, only to fall right back down the next time take the long way around the block just to avoid that homeless guy who does that weird wink/twitch thing.

Well you know what Angelina Jolie, your tricks aren't working on me. I'm not falling for some subliminal message celebrity mind control. If you want me to continue saving the world with this blog, or even up my saving the world work you're going to need to do more than that. You can start with dumping Brad, you've already dumped the kids on him, so leave them as well. And then we can go out next Friday night. Maybe we can go save some injured animals or something like that, I dunno I haven't really thought this out that far yet. Something fun but also "earthy".

Until this happens, however, let it be known that I will be limiting how much I save the world. For instance, beginning tomorrow I am cutting off Tarbash, the Indian kid that I have been sponsoring, from financial assistance. You do want Tarbash to get vitamins and food, don't you Angelina? I'm also going to increase my littering tenfold until I receive a call from you. I, as well as both Tarbash and our environment, are looking forward to your call.

Happy that Garlic, Cheese and Bread found each other,
Torio

I'm currently in the process of making the 2006 edition of the Torio calendar. If you're interested it's going to cost $20 a pop. A couple people still want a copy of the 2005 version, and I think I can make some more of those if you want them just for kicks. If you're interested send me an email(not a comment on the blog), I'm hoping to have them done before the new year, but it may take me a week or two into the new year cause I have a little thing called finals coming up.

Keeping in the Freshness

George Bush announced the construction of more fences to be built on the Mexico-American border to help deal with illegal immigration. But then today Mexico was like "Oh no you didn't" and George said "Uh yea amigos" and Mexico was like "Please no" and George didn't even say anything to that. Although that was a paraphrased version of what was said, it still shows an example of diplomacy at its finest.

The debate on whether or not we should strengthen immigration laws or lighten up on our foreign friends is one that comes up every once and a while when you're in a politicy mood. (it should be noted that nobody is content with the current immigration situation, because we are American and therefore never happy) But lets focus on what is really important, how I feel about the whole situation. Well I have to say that I am not a fan of building fences in an attempt to limit Mexicans from coming to America. Do I feel this way because I think it's morally right to be accepting to other cultures, or because America was founded by immigrants and it would be un-American to start limiting their immigration to America now, or because I am a big fan of the Carne Asada burrito? Nay, although I am a pretty big fan of the Carne Asada. You want to know the reason I think fences are the wrong way to go about this?

Salma Hayek.

She is hot, and in case you weren't aware, Mexican. And frankly, I do not think it's right for us to force a hot super star with a sexy accent such as hers to scale fences just because she wants to make a weekend visit to see Torio up in wine country. You might be asking "Torio is it really worth it to allow 10 million illegal immigrants into America just because Salma Hayek is gorgeous?" Absolutely, go watch "Desperado" and "Dogma", then you'll get it."

Some people might continue this argument by arguing that Salma Hayek is both rich and famous enough to get into America without having to worry about scaling fences. Probably true, but let me stress again how hot she is: very hot. Building fences just isn't worth risking Salma Hayek's entrance into America. And let me tell you she is a firecracker, you do not want to piss her off, see "Fools Rush In" for clarification.

There is also the point that we could be keeping out future "Salma Hayeks" out of America just because you're worried about some dudes taking a little money out of our economy. Okay yes, America cares about money, especially our own money. But we also care about objectifying looky ladies. So we have created quite a pickle for ourselves haven't we? Well you are lucky, because I am here to help. I have figured out a way to let in the hotties while keeping in the moola. This blog. I know, the solution was here all along and you didn't even see it. Kind of like when you go to church and you can't figure out how to entertain yourself for years, but then finally after however many Sunday's it takes you, you realize that making eye contact with people and mouthing the words "You're dead" makes them put a look on their face you can't help but enjoy. Yeah, it's kind of like that.

Waiting for my chance to get on Oprah,
Torio